Gotta get out

I'm sitting outside right now. I laid on my lounger for a bit and now I'm sitting under the patio. The weather is beautiful. And I needed out of my house.

Out of my office.

Out of my life.

Out of my head.

My brain has been working in over-drive lately, and I just need to stop. I need to quit thinking. I brought my new One Year Bible outside and have been enjoying a few quiet (well, besides the birds chirping and the gentle hum of the air conditioner...) minutes with God.

Does it ever feel like your prayers are simply a continuation of your thoughts? You know when you have something stuck in your mind and you constantly analyze and over analyze and just cannot stop thinking about it? And so you "take it to God," but really, you just continue to re-hash the same human thought process. And then of course, expect God to come back with some resounding truth and make your decision for you.

I'm not saying He can't. Sometimes doors close pretty abruptly, or windows miraculously open. I believe God has a hand in all of that. But what about the times when there is nothing opening and closing? Just options laid out in a row, each with positives and negatives. Then what? Is that God saying stay put? Or is that God saying that we need to trust Him and take a step of faith-- and the direction of that step, well, perhaps it is up to us??

I feel like we have so many balls in the air right now. Changes that might or might not happen. Changes that ARE happening, whether we like them or not. Changes that will happen, whether we are ready or not. And none of the change seems to come together in my mind. What will our lives look like when all is said and done? I'm such a planner by a nature, I like knowing what lies ahead on my road map. I like controlling the decisions that are made. And I like having the door slammed shut or the window flown open, so I know God is on board!

So now what? Pray and wait? Pray and cry and wait? Wait for what? Change? Or for life to resume as normal?

I think I was hoping after a rough night last night, full of thoughts and not much sleep, that when I opened my bible today, God would give me a word. Not just a word. But THE word I needed. The answer to my thoughts. But no go.

I guess this is where faith comes in right? Trusting in what you believe but do not see?

Well, here I go again, thinking. Time to get out. I'm going to lay back down in my lounger. Maybe God will meet me there.