I guess it was inevitable...

WARNING-- Might contain Too Much Information; information you do NOT want to know!

We have started to prepare for our cruise in March, and it seems like all the department stores have also prepared for the approaching Spring Break season. Swimsuits are everywhere!

Those of you who know me know that I am an extremely modest person. I have never liked skimpy clothes, I rarely even wear sleeveless shirts, and I HATE swimming simply because it requires a swimsuit. Most people take trips to the beach on their honeymoon, but not Jesse and I, because I told him straight-up I did NOT want to go anywhere I had to wear a swimsuit. So we went to the mountains instead. :)

Back to preparing for the cruise...so yeah, I knew I was going to need a few swimsuits. The last time I purchased one was when we went to Mexico. Last summer, after having Ryleigh, I did not put on a swimsuit. We even went up to the lakehouse with friends, and I would not do it. I kept shorts and a t-shirt on at all times.

So, we decided we would go to Target and try on a few, to see which style/sizes looked the best. Jesse is always super sweet and sensitive when it comes to evenings like this, cause he knows what a big deal they can turn in to. We picked out a few styles and headed back to the dressing room. Let me say, there were definitely a few that received a full and hearty "no" right away, but fortunately, we did find one we both really liked. So, I quickly took it off, put it in the basket and we were on our way.

Later, back at home, Jesse asked me to try it on again (since he only got a 2-second peak), and so I willingly obliged. And I truly liked it! I was feeling okay about it, so Jesse gently suggested pulling out the old bag of swimsuits I have hiding in the closet...it all went downhill from there. One by one, I put on each and every swimsuit in the bag, and my heart broke a little bit more.

I know that I have had a baby. I know that my body has changed. I have seen changes. I know it will never be what it once was. I know this. And yet, it never really dawned on me how much until this moment.

Throughout the pregnancy, I thought I was doing well. I did not gan much weight, and have managed to lose most of it since then. I also worked very hard to avoid stretch marks (using shea butter several times a day), and for the most part was successful. Looking back, it all could have been much worse. And dressed safetly in my clothes, no one would notice any difference.

But in those swimsuits-- I noticed. And I noticed right away. It was incredibly obvious. My boobs are no more. I'm not exerragerting in the slightest. There is nothing behind my boobs. What was once a solid B/C cup has become a negative A. I used to wear normal, string bikinis. Nothing incredibly revealing, but just a normal bikini. Now, there is nothing there. My chest looks like my back. It made me want to throw up. And what is worse, my stomach looks funny. No, I did not get stretch marks. No, I do not have cellulite on my stomach. But the skin looks different. There is no elasticity. It looks old. And ragged. And gross. I feel like I will be essentially walking around the cruise ship, with husband in hand, and a big sign across my non-existent chest that reads, "yes- I have had a baby." To think I was already self-conscious pre-baby...now I'm going to hide behind t-shirts for the rest of my life.

Please, please do not misunderstand me. I LOVE my daughter with all my heart. I would do it all again in a heartbeat for her. And I'm sure one day, God-willing, I will do it all again to give her a sibling.

It is just strange to me that I have seen my body every day for the past 8 months, and though I knew it was different, I didnt see the difference until I put on those old swimsuits. And it is depressing to think there really is nothing I can do at this point. It doesnt matter how much bench press or push-ups I do- I can tone the muscle underneith, but the tissue on top is damaged and cannot be repaired, without surgery. We laugh and joke about getting them "fixed" one day after babies are done, who knows. And Jesse is such a sweet boy, he just grins and says, "I have always been more of a butt-man, myself." Thanks, honey. I am definitely packing plenty in this trunk. :)

It was inevitable. Ryleigh has changed me in every possible way. She has physically left her mark on my body. Her needs occupy my mind and time. Her sweet giggle wraps me around her finger, and her cuddles melt my heart. I am a different person than I was 8 months ago-- inside and out. It might take some time to adjust to these changes, as it took time to adjust to the others, but at the end of the day, she is 110% worth every change.

Ba-ba babbling!

Ryleigh has started babbling...specifically, repeating "ba-ba-ba-ba" over and over. It is the cutest little sound! And when you watch her say it, she moves her mouth so cute- open mouth, close mouth, pursing her lips together with each sound. It truly sounds like she is saying "bye, bye" in a very thick, Southern accent. I love it!

Now if we could just get her to change the "b" with an "m" we might get closer to "ma-ma!"

Here's to wishfull thinking, anyway. :)

Blogging "friends"

I love the Internet! Seriously, I love it! Up until recently, I have appreciated it, when it worked well for me or helped me research or find something I needed. But I never realized what a cool tool it is in reaching people, "meeting" people, and praying for people all over the country and the world.

There are several people whose blogs I am addicted to.

Some are my friends, in every sense of the word, who hang out, talk on a normal basis, knew each other in school, or have some other physical, easily-traceable connection. I know about you and your family and your life, and you know the same for me. Blogging, for us, is just one other way to keep in touch and share pieces of our life journey.

Some are acquaintances, whose blogs I found through a friend of a friend. People who I know of, and have likely come into contact with in passing, though never exchanging a word. These are the blogs that I read, simply out of curiosity and find enjoyable.

Then there are the blogs that I have no idea how I came to find them. I'm not one who searches on blogger for blogs containing a certain content or anything. Every blog I read, I read because it was mentioned on another blog I read, or the author left a touching comment or something on another blog that caught my attention. I'm truly not a blog stalker, for those who might be concerned. I often feel strange commenting on "stranger's" blogs, and yet sometimes I cannot help myself.

As a writer myself, I get completely wrapped up in the stories of people's lives. I think sometimes you read so much about a person or a family, that you genuinely feel as though you are friends, despite the fact you may never have spoken to them before. You feel genuine joy when life's blessings are poured out on them. You cry real tears as you read of their heartache and pain. You pray for them as though they are your own friends and family. Sometimes, you yearn for distance to no longer be an issue, because you *know* if you lived close to this person, you could truly be good friends! And yet...you never speak to them.

I love the Internet because it allows for people all over the come together, share circumstances, share burdens and prayer requests, and feel a connection with someone whose face you will probably only see in pictures.

I added a link on the side of my blog, labeled "visitors." If you click the link, it shows how many people visit this site a day. (Not many- haha!) But the cool part, is that you can also see where people who do visit are visiting from. There have been a few from different states-- which is so cool! (Again, let me reiterate in case any of the people reading this are concerned...if you opt to also check your blog visits and see several visits a day from me, please do not think I'm a stalker! I have a list of my favorite blogs, probably over 20, that I regularly scroll through daily to see updates. I promise I am not stalking you and your family!) I for one think it is cool that someone I don't even "know" would take the slightest interest in my life.

So, in closing, if anyone out there reads this blog, please always feel free to let me know you are reading. You certainly do not have to, but don't feel afraid to leave a comment, thinking "she doesn't know me." I have finally gotten over that fear myself, and I have left several comments this week on those blogs I read who might not know me. You too, should feel free. Maybe, just maybe, we really could be friends. :)

The month in pictures

For those of you who actually check this blog regularly, you have probably noticed my lack of writing lately. I assure you it has nothing to do with "nothing happening." Quite the opposite, actually! Life has been so incredibly busy, it is all I can do to keep up with everything on my checklist, which unfortunately does not include updating this blog.

There have been plenty of crazy stories, about work, family, and life in general. But let's not get into all that today. The coolest part of this month has been watching Ryleigh grow and learn. I'm not kidding, what started out as "a week of 'firsts'" has turned into an entire month of firsts! And yet, I am realizing that this behavior is not going to change. Ryleigh is only going to continue to grow, learn, and have more "firsts" every single day. It is SO COOL watching her. Really, I love it. So, though I have been late in sharing all her special "firsts" with all of you, let me catch you up now!

First, Ryleigh popped her first tooth on January 1st! How cool is that? (Thank you, Ryleigh for picking an easy date for Mom to remember!) Then, two days later on the 3rd, tooth #2 decided to show itself as well. She has both her middle, bottom teeth, and I'm sure it is only a matter of time before those top two decide to poke through. I have not been able to get a clear, good picture of the little teeth, but I'll keep trying.

Next, we decided that Ryleigh was out-growing her baby bath tub. Sure, we could have gotten away with using it for a few more months, but she was not able to stretch her legs, kept kicking her heels on the side of it, and just seemed to ready to crawl out and explore more every single night. So, we went ahead and graduated her to the bath tub. I found the tub bumper at One Step Ahead and ordered it online. She was apprehensive for about 2 minutes when we initially put her in there, but as soon as I turned the water off, she was happy...and splashing, and reaching for toys...bath time has been super fun ever since!

On the night of January 2nd, I sleepily woke up in the middle of the night to hear Ryleigh crying through the monitor. So, I got up as usual, to go in and check on her, give her a pacifier, and go back to sleep. When I opened the door to her room, she was standing up in her crib!! And we had not lowered the mattress yet, so it was on the highest setting!! Let me just say that I was wide awake at that point!! I laid her back down, thinking maybe it was a fluke thing. Then stood there and watched as she again pulled herself right back up. I knew that sleeping arrangement was not going to work, so I brought her to bed with me. The day, I tried to lower the mattress, but struggled. So, until Jesse could get home and do it, Ryleigh got to sleep on her mattress...on the floor in her room! Haha, good stuff.
Have I mentioned yet that Ryleigh is crawling everywhere? Yes. At the beginning of the month she was pushing up to all fours, but would get frustrated that she could not go anywhere. About two weeks ago she started to slowly pick up an arm and pull the rest of her, or 'scootch' kicking her feet. Jesse commented that she would have crawling down within the week...two days later, she got it. Though it was slow at first, now she has it down, ad boy is she quick! Combine her quickness with her curiosity, and you are starting to understand why I have been so busy...chasing an 8-month old is tough work! But man, is she cute when she is on a mission. :)

After some convincing from some wise relatives, I decided I would let Ryleigh try a few finger foods. I initially tried the Gerber puffs, that are supposed to melt in their mouth, so no choking. I just grabbed the first ones I saw "banana" flavored, and man, was that a mistake. As much as she loves bananas, she did NOT like those puffs! Talk about dramatic...squishing up the face, puckering the lips, and literally spitting them across the room. Then I tried some plain 'ole, Cheerios. Success! She loves those things, and it is awesome watching her carefully finger each piece in between her thumb and forefinger before bringing it decidedly to her mouth. I love it!
Oh yeah, along with crawling came pulling up...on EVERYTHING. She seems to get great joy out of making her dad and I nervous. Pulling up on the fireplace, hanging mirrors, toys that topple over, furniture with hard edges...you name it. Ryleigh has definitely found her independence, and seems happy as a clam.

Here is her signature pose... she can hear when I turn on the camera, and immediately turns around to pose for me. :)


And the last major accomplishment, is that Ryleigh has finally (just this week!) learned how to hold her own bottle. I know it seems so silly, but every bit of independence is fully encouraged by Mom- even if it seems as insignificant as holding her own bottle. Not only is it cute, but she eats better and finishes the whole bottle whereas before she would want to stop and play with Mommy, but also she is learning that holding something a certain way produces results. I'm hoping this will help her learn how to use her sippy cup in the near future.
Okay. I think we pretty much covered all new developmental milestones. Here are just a few of the stinkin' cute pictures from throughout the month.

Ryleigh loves her drum! A musician is in the making.

Waiting patiently for breakfast.
All ready for church! (How cute is she??)
"Mom, how many pictures are you going to take? Go get ready- let's go!"
Nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap with Daddy and your teddy bear.

(On a side note, she loves her teddy bear. She cuddles with it to sleep, drags it with her out of bed, and snuggles with it when she is upset. Like Mother, like daughter!)
Guess that is all for now. Which is probably a good thing, considering how long this post is! Please excuse my tardiness with sharing all her special moments with you, and continue to check-in with us over the next weeks and months to come, as I'm sure the fun is just beginning. :)

Marathon 2008

Yes, folks. My husband is officially C.R.A.Z.Y.!
(And yet, I am so proud of him!)

Jesse ran yet another Houston Marathon last Sunday. I forget how many years he has been running it now, but this year was more impressive than ever. Not necessarily because he ran his absolute best, but simply because he still ran it! With everything that has happened in the past year, there was technically no time for Jesse to train properly. Between having two jobs, a new baby at home, difficult weather conditions, and more, it is a wonder he was able to "train" at all.

Here are some photos from the exciting morning. :)

Chilling out in the car, around 6:30 am. We had already dropped Jesse off to begin the race, and headed to our 1st mileage marker (mile 12). Luckily, there was a Starbucks right there! So I had my morning caffiene rush while Ryleigh enjoyed her bottle.
Watching all the runners go by at mile 12, watching anxiously for Jesse.
Here he comes! (He is on the left, in navy shorts and a white shirt...few people back.) Jesse looked great at mile 12! He was actually ahead of his intended pace, and still looked strong, hydrated, and motivated. Very encouraging!

I did not post a picture from our next meeting, at mile 21. Our friend David joined Jesse at mile 13, and finished the 2nd half of the marathon with him, hoping to keep him on pace. Luckily, David runs with his cell phone, so he called me before they reached me at 21, and told me to make sure and have drinks ready! Jesse looked pretty tired by that point. I had Gatorades, water, and an energy drink ready. It seems funny at mile 21 to say, "you're almost done!" when in reality there are still 5 and 1/2 miles left...which can last another entire hour, depending on your pace! By this point, Jesse had actually dropped below his pace goal, and was frustrated. David and I kept encouraging, and after a few minutes of rest, they were off again.

So, Ryleigh and I headed to the finish line. In the previous locations, it was easy for me to put her in her stroller, and find a spot along the race line. In case you have never seen the finish line at the Houston Marathon (or any marathon for that matter), it is packed! People are everywhere, there are stands with people, and people lining the streets throughout downtown as far as you can see. Needless to say, the stroller was not going to work so well, moving in and out of all the people, so Ryleigh went in the Baby B'Jorn. I dont think she minded being "held" by mommy one bit!

After we had been at the finish line for awhile, watching anxiously for Jesse, I got nervous. Luckily, David's girlfriend Sara had found me, and David called her with an update. Apparently, at mile 23 Jesse pretty much cramped up completely and collapsed. Luckily, David was able to help rub his legs and stretch him out real good right then and there. Unfortunately, Jesse's parents and brother & sis-in-law were right there, and that was the first they saw of him. Talk about scary! Anyway, he got up, walked it off a bit, and proceeded to the finish line...just a little slower than before.

David had to drop off a few blocks before the finish line, as no "non-registered" runners can cross the finish line, so he quickly called to tell us Jesse was closing in on the finish. Here he is! (on the left, in navy shorts and white shirt) Right about this time, I started screaming real loud, jumping up and down (yes, Ryleigh was still in the Baby B'Jorn, jumping along with me), and Jesse looked to his left and saw us in the crowd.

Half smiling as he passed us by, and went on to finish in 4 hours and 20 minutes. Pretty dang good!
Can I just say, as I saw Jesse coming up the road, what an overwhelmingly proud feeling came over me? I'm not joking, and I truly cannot explain it. My heart beats so fast, and I know I'm smiling uncontrollably, so proud of him and his accomplishment, but also so proud that he is mine. What a lucky girl I am. I can only imagine the pride that will come as we watch our kids succeed and excel...it truly is an amazing feeling. Like part of you is with them, and you are just bursting with pride!! I know I'm repeating myself, I just wish I could explain it justly. Let me just say, it is awesome.

Afterwards, we all met up inside the convention center. Jesse was tired, but luckily he was not cramping like before. He was incredibly dehydrated, with salt all over his face and neck, and we think that had something to do with the muscles cramping up. Overall, he actually recovered much quicker this year than he has in the past.

Here is a picture of David & Jesse- crazy running buddies!
Jesse was very excited about his meal after the marathon...lol. He had planned on it for about a month leading up to the day. So, sure enough, after the race Jesse, David, Sara, Ryleigh, and I went to Fuddruckers and totally pigged out. Haha, good stuff. He probably need to replenish the calories lost...me, not so much, but who can refuse a cheeseburger?

Another year, another marathon. And most important, another proud moment of my husband. :) Way to go, babe. You never cease to amaze me.

Playdate with Major

Ryleigh's cousin Major came over a few weeks back to play for awhile while his mommy went to work. These two never cease to amaze me. They play SO WELL together! Seriously, I can throw out some toys, put in a movie, and not hear a peep (other than occassional giggles) for quite awhile!


It is always fun to have Major over, and I know Ryleigh has fun playing at his house too! How cool that cousins can develop a "relationship" at such an early age!

Prayers needed!!

I found another heart-wrenching story of a family in desperate need of prayer.

Nate and Tricia are 24-weeks pregnant with their first baby; a little girl, who is named Gwenyth Rose. Tricia suffers from cystic fibrosis, and was supposed to be receieving a double lung transplant when they learned she was pregnant. Things have been incredibly difficult, as you can read in Nate's blog.

They have decided this morning to go ahead and do a C-section. It is still obviously early for the baby, but Tricia's body can not continue to sustain and support both lives. Please, please be in prayer for this family. You can see the specific prayer requests on their blog.

An Old Friend

Rachel was in town for the Christmas break, and we were able to get together on Sunday afternoon. Previously, we have met for dinner or whatnot, since she moved to Conroe, but this time she was going to be back in the Spring area and wanted to come over so she could see our house and meet Ryleigh. It was great to sit back, relax, and chat it up like old times. Of course, our conversation was slightly different from old times...but still awesome nonetheless.

When I got married, I learned a lot of things about myself. One of the most obvious, was my lack of true girlfriends in my life. I have plenty of acquaintances and people that I care about. But there are not many girls that know me, all the depths of me, including all the secret corners of my heart. And vice versa- there are not many girls that I truly feel like I know. Most of my friends are super sweet people, who I love and treasure, but fail to grow and maintain the relationship. I always attribute it to life being so busy, but in reality, I am just not good at maintaining relationships. If I see someone on a regular basis, the relationship thrives. If there is the slightest distance or lack of contact, the relationship becomes surface-level. And I hate it, because I genuinely love and care about each and every one of my friends. I just do a poor job of showing it, through nurturing the relationship.

Rachel was my best friend growing up. There are few memories from junior high or high school that do not involve her. We laughed (all the time!) together, and hung out together, and cried together. She knew me like no other. We were real with each other, and formed a deep and meaningful friendship. Then college came. And distance got in the way. And other relationships began to take precedence. And our relationship, well, it changed. For a long time, blamed myself for losing the best friend I ever had. Sure we were still friends, but not the deep, all-knowing friends that we had been. And I missed it. I longed for it.

In the past few years, Rachel moved away to New York. I could not be more proud of her, for stepping out there and working so hard. She has learned new industries, a new city, made new friends, and a new career. And yet, when she comes home, she is still, super sweet Rachel. She has not been 'marred' by the city. It amazes me.

Rachel came right in, sat down on my couch, took her shoes off, and started chatting away. I had a great time catching up, playing with Ryleigh on my living room floor, and laughing about how life has changed. And yet...it had not changed as much as I thought. We were still old friends, who knew things about each other than no one else knows. We still had inside jokes and stories that helped shape us into the people we are today. We still have a connection that cannot be broken over time or distance. It is a special feeling, and one I hope to rekindle with many of my good friends.

Thank you so much for coming to hang out, Rachel! It was such a joy to see you again, and remember a life before now. And as always, it was blast giggling and chatting with you. I hope I'm able to come visit in NY soon! :)
To all my girlfriends and sisters out there who read this blog, please know something. I love and treasure each of you very much. I know I am terrible at keeping in touch and getting to know the inner most parts of your heart, but I want to get better. I miss you all, and hope to see you soon, and give you a big hug!!

Haha- sleepy Ryleigh!

Ryleigh fell asleep, and we could not help but laugh and of course take pictures. :)
Sweet baby girl. Sleep well!

Our trip to the Houston Zoo

After not being able to leave town at all during our vacation and time off work, we decided we still needed to do something fun and different. So, Friday afternoon, once Ryleigh was starting to feel a little bit better, we headed down to go to the Houston Museum of Natural Science. But, once we got down there, we noticed signs for the Zoo, and got super excited to go to the Zoo instead. The day was perfect. The sun was out and warm, and there were not too many people visiting the Zoo. We had a GREAT time, hanging out, looking at all the different animals, and just spending time together outside of our house.

Daddy showing Ryleigh all the fish
Checking out the turkey-like birds...Ryleigh actually watched these ones walk around in there.
They had a baby elephant! See in between the two big elephants? It was pretty shy, but so stinkin' cute! It looked so tiny next to the others, but in reality is still so big. Perspective is everything, huh?
The giraffes were a lot of fun...and so tall! Ryleigh has a toy giraffe, and I wanted her to grasp the concept that these were the same as her toy, but I guess she is still too young for that. There was a baby giraffe as well, but I couldn't get a clear picture of it.
Yikes, the Tigers were sleeping...sure wouldn't want to be on the inside of that glass!

Daddy and Ryleigh
It's Simba!! :) The lions were so pretty, even the females (Nala!)
There were longhorn-type animals, which of course we did not care for. :)
Ryleigh had an afternoon bottle and was happy as can be, sitting outside, looking at all the animals.
Jesse was front row in front of the baboon cage, and this guy stared him down! At one point the baboon even flinched at him in an attempt to scare Jesse. We did not get a picture of his butt, but it is by-far the prettiest, most colorful butt I have ever seen!

The orangutan's were my favorite. This little baby was putting on quite a show for everyone, rolling around, "falling" off the rock, and trying to grab his mom to come 'play.' It was hysterical!
Pretty zebra, who was obviously shy, because it would not come near the fence!
They had 2 baby cheetahs (or leopards?) walking around on leashes! The trainer said they were about 12 weeks old, and were sooo cute!
And last, the seals made for a fun ending to a fun day. They swam around and jumped up on the platform, only to slide back down again. Ryleigh got a kick out of watching them go back and forth across the tank.
Like I said, we really had a great time. Jesse and I had more fun than Ryleigh, but give her a couple more years, and I know she will love the Zoo. What a fun afternoon!