What to do??

I know every mother must have those weeks where nothing seems to go right. This has been one of those weeks.

Ryleigh was doing such a good job of sleeping through the night that I decided it would be a good time to move her from the cradle in our room to her crib in the nursery. The first night (last Friday) she did wonderful; sleeping all the way until 5:00 am. Saturday night she got up a few times, starting around 2:00 am. I figured she was hungry or something so I fed her and put her back to bed, only to have her wake up again a short bit later. Sunday night it started at 1:00 am. And after getting up and down almost eight times before 2:30, I finally brought her back into our room and put her in the cradle. Monday night she didn't even last until 11:00 pm.

What is going on?? Why are we suddenly reversing progress??

At first, thinking she was hungry and possibly going through a growth spurt, I thought I would try giving her a bottle of formula at night instead of breastfeeding, since formula takes longer to digest. I figured it would help her sleep better. I made her a 6-oz bottle of formula and even added a very small amount of rice cereal (as suggested by her pediatrician) and Jesse fed her the bottle as I pumped. She took that entire bottle and still cried and pulled on the bottle like she wanted more, so I fixed a second bottle of 2-oz to see if that would fill her up. Sure enough, she ate 8-oz of formula with rice cereal! Guess how much I was able to pump? 3-oz. That's it! No wonder she was hungry! If she should be getting approximately 6-oz per feeding and I'm barely making 3-oz, no wonder the girl can't sleep! So, I figured the extra food, plus the fact it takes longer to digest, plus the rice cereal would mean good sleep for Ryleigh. Nope. Has not worked all week.

Now here's the real reason. I conditioned her. Not in a good way. I conditioned her that as soon as her pacifier falls out and she fusses, I reach over and pop it back in. So now she expects me to put it back in when she wakes up and realizes it is not there...never mind the fact that I'm sleeping across the house. Honestly, I have felt more exhausted than I did when she was a newborn eating every few hours during the night, because it is a constant up-down-up-down. You never get into a deep sleep. And what's worse, Ryleigh is not getting good sleep either, so she is extra fussy and tired during the day. The combination of two tired, fussy females has almost driven Jesse to drink! (Not really, but you can imagine how fun it is for him to come home to us every night.) I have tried not giving her the pacifier as much during the day and when it falls out during her naps to simply let her "cry it out." Well, after 45 minutes of crying and then finally choking when she got so 'rowled up, I gave up and went and got her. Our 'battle of wills' has persisted all week, and frankly, she is winning. It breaks my heart too much!

I have mixed feelings about what to do. I have read that babies between 0 and 3 months suck because they have a need to suck! It is a very real reflex and necessity for them. I like the fact that she sucks a pacifier because I know I could eventually take it away (as opposed to her thumb). But in the meantime, it is miserable for me getting up and down. At the same time, I dont want to keep enabling the habit to form by popping it in her mouth every 5 minutes during the night when she is in her cradle. I originally planned to attempt the "cry it out" method this weekend, and though I know it will be 2 or 3 nights of little to no sleep, it would be worth it. But after trying this method during several naps during the day, I dont know that it will work! I dont know that she is ready to give up this reflex. I also dont want to be cruel. You should have seen the glares she gave me all week during our battles. (I took the picture and a short video to remember how horrible this week has been!)

I have done plenty of research, and of course there are answers and suggestions across the board. Every baby is different, so of course there are several methods. There is a toy called the wubbanub, which basically is a stuffed animal with a pacifier sewed to it. I think this would work, as Ryleigh does cuddle with her stuffed animals and sucks on their ears, etc. However, the pacifier that comes sewn to it is not one she will take. If I go with this idea, I will probably have to make my own version with one of her pacifiers. I also think this is a good idea because when you eventually do decide to take the pacifier away, you can remove the pacifier, but let her keep the animal and it will still provide a sense of security for her. I love the idea of just throwing a ton of pacifiers in her crib so she is able to quickly grab one and pop it back in herself, but she is just not old enough to do that yet. At least with the stuffed animal it is big enough for her to grab and hold on to.

So these are my options:

• Attempt to let her cry it out and hope that she realizes she does not need the pacifier to sleep. Best idea for the long run...if she is ready to give it up.
• Create my own version of the wubbanub and see if that will help soothe her when she wakes up needing her pacifier. Later, use the "multiple pacifiers" in her bed, ensuring she can find one of them.
• Continue to let her sleep in my room and pop in the pacifier until she is a little bit older and then try one of the above methods.

I really dont know what to do. I dont have a problem with her taking a pacifier until she is a little older. I dont think there is anything wrong with babies, who have a need to suck, using one! I really want her to learn how to self-soothe when she wakes up in the night, and I know the only way to teach her that she can do it, is to let her cry. I just dont know if she is ready for that (or if I am ready for that!)

Help! All suggestions welcome.