Venting

Bear with me people, I need to vent.

Man, it has been a rough week. Seriously, if it were not Friday, I would probably have to call in sick tomorrow. I'm exhausted. And frustrated. And the fuse could snap at any point.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

1. Ryleigh is wearing me out. Now you all know how much I love my daughter, but sometimes you just need a break, ya know? She is in a total funk right now, and though I know I should be sympathetic, loving, and kind to help her work through it, all I want is to let someone else deal with it and hand her back when she's "normal" again.

First, she is most definitely teething. Even my sister-in-law, mother of FOUR kids who watched her one afternoon this week, commented on the FACT that Ryleigh is teething. She drools everywhere. Grabs everything, pulls it straight to her mouth, and rubs it along her gum line. She chomps down on my shoulders, arms, legs...anything that gets close to her mouth. And though the little suckers have not popped through her gums yet, that chomping still hurts! (Finally a reason to be genuinely thankful to no longer be nursing her!)

Second, it seems she is in a bit of a growth spurt. Some days she eats and eats and eats. Other days, she's not so interested in the food. Some days she will take three or four naps throughout the day. Other days, I'm doing good to get her to take a 45 minute nap. Some nights she is sleeping all the way until 6:00am. Other nights, she starts waking up around 1:00am, and will get up every hour until I finally give in and bring her into my room. I need a normal schedule!!

Third, she wants to move so badly! And it frustrates her. She is growing restless quicker and quicker every day. The toys that entertain her one day will have absolutely no interest the next. The only guarantee to hold her attention and prompt even a small smile or laugh, is Jesse or I on the floor, playing, tickling, and paying specific attention to her. Literally, if we turn away for even 2 seconds, to simply look the other direction, she cries out. UGH.

Needless to say, she is not happy about being in a funk, anymore than I am. She has been fussy, irritable, and clingy all week. Now normally, I must admit, I would love her clingy-ness (most of you know, Ryleigh is NOT a cuddler, and rarely likes to be held), but this has not been the best week for that.

2. WORK SUCKS. The team I'm working for right now is located in California, and somehow always seem to forget that I live in Houston. They want me to work on their time, despite the fact I am expected to get to work at 8:00 (my time), they also expect me to work until their 5 or 6:00 (7 or 8:00 my time). This is getting old. Not only that, but the projects I was given also came with deadlines...not until the end of January. There were two short docs that I needed to turn in before Thanksgiving, and I busted my butt to get them in. Two days before the holiday break, right as I was having my giant sigh of relief and trying to get in "relaxation" mode, I received an email...at 4:48pm (literally). Turns out that one of the projects required a set of HTML Help Files, and they were due the week after Thanksgiving. Umm...WHAT? It was Monday, I had 2 days before the holiday, and they wanted these files in a week? The big kicker was the fact that I had no information for the updates. AND I HAVE NEVER WORKED IN HTML BEFORE. Talk about a learning curve! I'm supposed to learn what needs to be updated, learn how to write in HTML, make all the updates/links/etc...in a week...over a holiday break. Awesome. (As a side note, I got SICK the week of Thanksgiving, sore throat, barely able to breathe, could not sleep without a sleeping aid...miserable.)

I busted my butt all week to attempt these HTML files. And ya know what? I just sent them to the team. Yes, it is Friday night, and I sent the files at 11:30pm. That oughta make them feel bad. Or at least slightly guilty. Jerks.

I'm determined to not kill myself during the holiday season. I will not spend my week off over Christmas, sick, lying in bed, recovering from the month. I hate that. I'm not going to do it. So if they try to pull out another crazy deadline like this, I'm going to tell them to kiss my butt!! (Probably not, but it sure sounds good in my vent-ing post...)

3. My house is gross. My laundry is piled. Ryleigh has no clothes, bibs, or burp cloths. I have trash pouring out of every trash can. I have only done my workout once this week. I'M BEHIND IN MY LIFE. I hate the feeling. I hate going into the weekend with a to-do list. Especially a list that is not fun.

I'm determined to do something fun this weekend. I don't know what, but it will be fun, relaxing, and hopefully with my family. Jesse and Ryleigh have really received the brunt of the crap. I have no patience. I'm tired and get frustrated very easily. I cant deal with Ryleigh's clingy-ness, because all I want is a break. I hate that. I should be better than that.

Dear Lord,
PLEASE help me get control of my life. Better yet, please take control of my life. Take away the worries, stress, frustration, impatience, and exhaustion. Give me a spirit of tenderness, patience, love, kindness, and endurance during this time of my life. Help me to "not grow weary of doing good" (Gal 6:9). Give me the ability to love on my husband and daughter despite the fact I am exhausted. Give me patience to deal with Ryleigh's fussiness while she is hurting, and give me the proper empathy every mother should have. Help me learn when to work harder at my job, when to work longer to complete a task, and when to draw the line. Encourage those who influence my work load to realize the expectations they have, and understand that sometimes they are unrealistic. God, all I really want is rest and peace in You. Lord, I need a break. Calm the "storm" of life, and still the rough waters, as only You can. Thank you for your hand in my life, and the truth of Your word. I ask all this in Jesus's name. -Amen.