1 Peter 4: 7-11

7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use what gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as if speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and power for ever and ever. Amen.

I was reading tonight, and just had to share. I'm sure I have read this passage before, probably several times, but tonight it hit home. It is getting late, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there, and share my heart. I must admit, when I read this passage I felt immediate conviction. I thought of my husband, and though he is sleeping soundly in our bed, I wanted to wake him and apologize. No, this passage is not speaking in terms of wives treatment of their husbands, but strictly speaking to Christians regarding their treatment of everyone. Regardless, I felt the conviction related specifically to my husband.

"...be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray." How often do I jump on Jesse for little things that do not matter? I allow my emotions to get the best of me and rarely stop to pray (much less allow myself time to clear my mind or control my self) before 'attacking' him for one reason or another?

"...love each other deeply..." Please do not misunderstand me here. You know I love my husband deeply. I know I love my husband deeply. And Jesse knows I love him deeply. But do I show him that? Daily? In a 'deep' manner? Somehow I have become calloused, even to him, and cannot show deep, uninhibited love for him. He knows I love him, but do I act on my love in a way that speaks volumes to him and others of my deep love for him?

"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." This one spoke volumes, especially related to my husband. When I think of the word hospitality, I think of inviting over friends or family, planning a nice meal, and serving my guests. I do not think the same of my husband. Why does he not deserve the same offer of hospitality, here comes the kicker, without my grumbling? Why can I serve others and expect no response, and expect him to thank me and think I'm so wonderful for what I do? Why can I not just offer kindness and hospitality without grumbling?

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others..." God has given me a very organized and methodical brain. He has given me the tendency to clean and attempt to be a neat freak. He has shown me that keeping my life in order makes me a happier (and nicer) person. So again I ask, why do I expect to receive kudos for using my gifts to serve my family? I know that these tendencies make me who I am, and if God has given me the ability and desire to keep a clean (not always clean, but you know what I mean) house, and do the dishes, and put away the laundry, shouldn't I embrace the fact that I am using my God-given gifts and talents to serve my family, rather than be bitter that no one else "helps" in these areas?

"...faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." Oh man. If God can faithfully provide me His grace over and over for all my mistakes, which we all know occur way too often, then why is it so much harder for me to give Jesse grace when he upsets me? Why am I deserving of God's grace, but Jesse is not deserving of Melody's grace?

After all of that, I was feeling pretty down. Where was my answer? Or, I should say answers, considering all of the thoughts racing through my head. But as I continued to read, I found it.

"If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised..." That is it. Of course, as a human, I am going to struggle with these areas. I am going to have a hard time serving my husband and my family, without grumble, and without expectation of earthly kudos or reward. I will get worn down and bitter. I cannot do it. So I MUST ask for strength that only God can provide. Strength to persevere when I have had a rough day and don't feel like doing the dishes. Strength to love my husband in action, not just words. Strength to reach out in love and hospitality, without expecting anything in return. And I do all this, not so that I can be praised, but so that others will see Him through me and give HIM the praise and glory, knowing that it is ONLY because of HIM that I can have the strength to give, in service, in hospitality, and in love.

Tonight, I'm saying an extra big prayer. A prayer for renewed strength that I know only He can give. For all of you wives and moms out there; I'm praying it for you too.