My 1st Mother's Day

First off, let me wish all the mothers who might be reading, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you had a sweet day, loving on your family while they loved on you.

This holiday is new to me. Yes, I have always had a mother, and she is wonderful. And yet, the holiday never "clicked" with me until this year. Before, it was more of an excuse to buy expensive Hallmark cards, flowers, and whatnot....because...that is what you are supposed to do! Now, being on the flip-side of the holiday, I understood it more. After realizing all that being a mother IS, day in and day out, I am so thankful we stop for one day to recognize and appreciate our mothers.

If there is anything I have learned about being a Mom, it is this: Being a Mom is hard work.

Being a Mom means carrying a child inside of you, sometimes being sick, feeling tired, being uncomfortable, giving up certain things for the safety of your baby. But it also means that YOU get to feel it moving inside you. You get the immediate bond that everyone else has to work and learn how to build.

Being a Mom means never feeling completely rested. Whether it is during the 8th month of pregnancy when you can not get comfortable, the first few weeks after birth when you are up every 3 hours to feed the baby, or one year later when you still wake to every slight sound on the monitor and have to get up..."just to check."

Being a Mom means always having a "to do" list, a pile of dirty laundry, dusty furniture, and dirty dishes in the sink. I don't think you can ever catch up to life. Because suddenly that part of your life does not seem as important.

Being a Mom means having less time in a day...hence the days flying by. Everything takes more time. No more running quick errands. Even doing the laundry requires a certain amount of organization to run smoothly. Your child has no concept of time, other than they know they want to spend all of their time with you.

Being a Mom means being dirty. Finding time to shower can be difficult. Putting on a clean outfit is always a risk, because you never know when the spit up, slobber, sneezes, snot, or other bodily secretions will emerge. And trust me- they do emerge!

Being a Mom means owning more "stuff" and lugging it with you everywhere you go. Diaper bags, bottles, extra clothes, car seats, teddy bears, pacifiers....the list goes on and on.

Being a Mom means never having your own schedule. Your schedule revolves around your child's schedule; whether than means their eating/sleeping schedule when they are young, or their activity schedule when they are older. Again, your time is not your own.

Being a Mom means that no one else sees you as an individual person- you are forever seen as "so-and-so's Mom." People ask about your child, and then you. And while sometimes that seems sad and hard to swallow right now, my dream is that being "so-and-so's Mom" will later be seen as a great thing. That as a Mom, I am someone my child is proud of, and they are someone I am proud of. Then the bond and attachments to each other becomes part of your identity in a way you never were as an individual.

Being a Mom truly means dying to yourself and giving all that you have and all that you are, hoping and praying that your children are better people for it. Hoping that they realize how much you love them, though you know they cant understand. No one can understand: except other Moms. Praying that they grow into kind, loving, intelligent, generous, independent and selfless people one day. Praying that God enables you the patience, kindness, sternness, and endurance to teach them and train them according to His will and not your own. Praying that your kids don't pick up those habits that you just cant seem to break.

I hope that being a Mom has made me a better person. I honestly feel like a completely different person. Having a child really forces you to hold up a mirror and see all of your flaws in a way that no other relationship does. You do not have the option of being selfish. And you know what? Most of the time, you don't even think twice about it.

Ryleigh is speaking gibberish now. Not one thing makes any sense as it comes out of her mouth, and yet she looks directly at me as if she is speaking to me, and she thinks I understand. We have entered a whole new world, learning to communicate to each other. And yet, sometimes I "get" her communicating so clearly, it brings tears to my eyes.

When she wakes up and I go get her from her room, she bounces in her bed with a huge smile, so happy to see me.

When she is tired, she looks for me to cuddle next to.

When she gets scared or apprehensive and she runs to me, holding on to my legs while cautiously peeking out.

When she brings me her empty sippy cup, trusting that I am able to give her what she wants.

When she hands me one of her toys, inviting me to play along with her.

When she is across the room, and I get on the floor to play with her, she smiles sweetly and comes over to give me a huge bear hug just because she wants to, not because I asked.

My daughter loves me. She needs me in a way that no one else does. To her, I am the best person in the world. Now sure, I know that one day all that will change. But I know that I will always hold a special place in her heart and her life that no one else can ever fill. I am her Mother. Her only Mother. Being her mother can be difficult and exhausting, but it is a job I would willingly accept over and over for just one of those sweet smiles or hugs.

And I am thankful and blessed beyond measure to be "Ryleigh's Mommy."