Alone time

When Jesse left on Tuesday, he was a little upset because he said I did not care like I used to. He said it was really sad to him that I did not even seem slightly upset, and Whenever we were first married and he would leave town, even for a few days, I always cried and made a big deal about being left alone. Even after a year and a half of being married (last Spring), I cried almost every single week when I left to go back to College Station and he stayed in Houston. Tuesday when I dropped him off, I did not cry.

I think I really needed some alone time this week. I know I have been really snappy and edgy lately, and maybe this was just what I needed. I needed a week to be by myself. To only worry about me. To do whatever I wanted to do. This all sounds very selfish...but plain and simple, I needed to be alone. We all need to be alone from time to time.

When I'm alone I do not have to worry about what anyone else is doing or where they are. I do not have to pretend to be in a good mood and act cheerful if I'm not really happy. I get to watch what I want to watch on t.v. (if I choose to watch t.v.). I can get into my pajamas at 5:15 when I get home from work, and not worry that anyone will consider me pathetic for doing so. I only have to cook enough for one, and I get to cook whatever sounds good to me at the time.

On the flip side, when I'm alone, I find myself silent for hours on end, and when I finally do talk to someone, its like I cannot shut up. I come home to an empty house with no one waiting for me. No one is there to talk to me about my day while I'm starting to cook dinner. The laundry in the laundry basket is only mine, which seems kind of sad. The puppies are good cuddlers, but they are not there in bed to provide the extra body warmth under the cold sheets. When I'm alone, I am very much aware how alone I truly am.

Being alone is nice...for awhile. But the great thing about having "alone time," is that it eventually it causes you to crave "together time," which seems appropriate with Valentine's Day right around the corner. I am starting to miss Jesse, and will be thankful when I can give him a big hug tomorrow evening.

However, I'd be willing to bet that by the next time he leaves for an overnight trip, I will again be ready for more alone time! (You always want what you do not have- it is a strange phenomenon to me.)